Thursday, August 31, 2006

i love you more than marching bands and cookie making?

a very strange. and most would say...unfortunate thing has been happening to me. ....of course you all know about the great hair debacle of 2k6....which would be "the one where i cut all my hair off ". (the great hair debacle of 2k5 was "the one where all my hair fell OUT".... 2k7 looks promising? i digress....) if that wasnt enough... we now have another tragedy to go along with it.... before i whacked off all my hair i was occasionally told that i looked like britney spears. .... which i never really thought i looked very much like her.... but i'm not not one to argue.... so think what you shall. not so much sure what a compliment that would be now.... but i would take it over the new quasi-celebrity that i am told that i look like. trust me.... i should be so lucky to get b.spears.... because now i get.... juliette lewis. you know..... juliette lewis.... as in 'The Other Sister', juliette lewis. and now .... i cant figure out which one is worse...... britney "i-cant-keep-my-pants-on-when-white-trash-is-around" federline.... or juliette "i-sported-cornrows-when-i-went-to-the-oscars-with-brad-pitt,-gee-no-wonder-he-broke-up-with-me" lewis. oh for shame.

well anyways..... i've got today and tomorrow off. i almost came to texas... but everyone was busy, so i've decided to take a little road trip tomorrow. i'm going to go up to pennsylvania to check out the postsecret exhibit. at least it will give me something to do. i shall report back. oh and i do suggest you go and see little miss sunshine. it's a good one.

rat update..... so my landlord informs me today that the exterminator will be coming back to check on the poison he set out for them. she says to be "yeah he came in there and started tearing down their home".....their home? she called it their home? like.... a residence??? so i've been LIVING with a FAMILY of rats???? (she likes to correct me and tell me that they are mice..... well i dont care what they are..... they are rodents, they have four legs, they were not invited, and they are mice.... as in plural!!!) i pretty much stay sequestered in my room while i'm at home... and if for some strange reason i need to go into the kitchen.... i bang around on everything and stomp around so that the rats will scurry away to their "home"......

you should never hit someone's car and then drive off. it is mean. and illegal.

Friday, August 25, 2006

this journal entry might require a large bag of popcorn.

all good things must come to an end. .... and well.... it happened. i had my first breakdown since i moved away from texas. and usually i dont use this outlet to vent about such depressing events in the life of morgan, but hey, i know there are some of you who still derive joy from my pain.... so have a field day.....

being an adult sucks. completely sucks. this is about the age you realize how amazing your parents are for seemingly keeping it all together while i foolishly 'danced through life'.... i realize now what a waste of breath advice is. there is no amount of prepping that anyone could have told me that would have prepared me for "baltimore" ....or my twenties. remember when we were in college and whenever you met someone new the conversation usually consisted of about three questions..... where you from? what is your major? and where do you live? ..... well when i go on a trip that is usually the conversation i have with the crew. the questions are only slightly altered...... where are you based? what did you do before this? .....and are you married?...... when i answer no to the last question, they always follow it up with 'how old are you'.... and when i tell them 23, they kinda give a courtesy laugh and say 'ohhhh you're young, you've got plenty of time" ...plenty of time for what?.....what is that supposed to mean? .....can someone tell me that? my mom would laugh at me, and say they were just trying to have a conversation. it's just what you say..... well i say no. i'm striking. is there some magical marriage timeline that i dont know about? i went to baylor.... i'm pretty sure they never told us about this alleged magical marriage timeline in my MRS.101 class. (and you thought they were just kidding about that mrs. degree thing huh?) little do they know.... all of my close friends (except for my "single wonder" partner in crime rachel. who is currently beating them off with a stick at lockheed martin. dont leave me now rach.) are either married, engaged, or about to be engaged. and for that i hate you. well.... most of you.... some of you i just sit back and go haha suckas. if i'm still 'young'.....should i be worried the day that someone asks me how old i am.... and then they dont follow it up with 'oh you're so young'??? it's like they feel pity. i'm single. not diseased. and not contagious. oh and the holiday season is upon us. which means more conversations where the 'single police' aka.... my family, all individually have to ask me....'so morgan... met anyone nice yet? seeing anyone? been on any dates lately?' .....haha suckas... i'm going to combat you this year with this response.... i'm a lesbian...... trick on you... we'll see if you ever ask me any questions about my love life ever again! ..... now.... all that being said...... i am really enjoying being single. (usually this is something that only lonely people say to make themselves feel better...... kinda like the same losers....who every couple of months try and convince everyone that they are happy now..... 'i'm happy i've really "found" myself.... i know i said i was happy then.... but now i'm REALLY wait.... NOW i'm happy. i know what i said a few months ago....but now i really really meant it. SHUT UP! ) i can do whatever i want. i can eat whenever i want. i spend my money on me. i can go see whatever movie i want to. i never have to consult anyone on anything. 'what do you want to do today morgan' .... 'i dont know morgan, what do you want to do'. i'm in the most serious relationship of my life right now...with my ipod. i love him.

i dont know where that just came from..... that wasnt part of the breakdown at all. ok.....slowly stepping away from the soapbox now..... back to the the breakdown. so i've had a couple of days off and i've been trying to get some things organized.... i.e., my bills, my benefits, car insurance, bank stuff, medical insurance. paying bills is just stressful. trying to make sure you get everything paid correctly and on time. and then you've got mom ringing in your ears about how important it is to pay bills on time. i get it. (not really.)..... then i'm trying to trick the government into making them think that i still live in texas..... and then on top of that.... cvs wouldnt give me my requip...also known as, the sweet sweet candy. by this time i had just had it. i went into cvs....lookin rough.... and frustration mounting..... and of course they were rude. typical baltimore. i'm not going to go into the details of the day. it was just a long, stressful day of disappointments. the final straw came when the cvs lady handed me the prescription..... i had had enough at this point. she asked me some idiotic question. i looked at her and yelled "FORGET IT!!" and stormed out of the store. yeah.... i lost it. it was a scene kinda out of 'father of the bride' where george banks goes to the grocery store and refuses to pay for the "superfluous buns" for the hot dogs. i marched out of that place in tears. the worst kind of tears.... frustration tears. not only are you frustrated....but you're crying.... then you're frustrated because you're crying ....which makes you even more you cry some more.... oh it's a vicious cycle. .....luckily my dad called. after i went on and on about things that were seemingly petty...he asked 'so morgan, what's really going on?' ..... i honestly didnt know...but what it finally came down to is that..... i just dont like this place. i dont like baltimore. (rachel you might want to quit reading at this point....because i'm about to completely bash you're dear old state of maryland. and i know it's really rude to bash someone's hometown, and i dont want you to experience just do yourself a favor and quit reading) .....baltimore....ghetto capital of the world. the whole state is the 'hood'. the people here dont scare me. (like my dad used to say....if anyone took you.... they'd bring you back) these people frustrate me. nothing in this place makes sense. not even the roads. in texas........ you drive down the highway.... you see something you want and you pull off to get it. if you go too far.... you exit and make a uturn. here..... you cant see what you are going to exit towards. and its NEVER what you want. and even if you exit to go towards one direction .... you'll end up going a completely different one. they dont do 'uturns' here. and they're all so RUDE! so so rude. there is NO need to be that rude. just saw a poll the other day.... baltimore is the third angriest city in the united states. THIRD. ANGRIEST. angry people everywhere..... i'm not an angry person. this doesnt sit well with me. i miss texas. i miss mexican food. i miss college. i miss white people. i miss dancing. i miss whataburger. and taco c. i miss accents. i miss 70mph speed limits. but most of all i just miss my friends and family. and i guess thats the hardest part. the people. i havent met anyone here who i have been like 'wow.... i'd like to hang out with you again. or... wow... i'd like to talk to you again. or... you're so interesting.... or well groomed. nope. people here suck. my friends are flight attendants. and we're never home at the same time. i miss people. i miss MY friends. i dont want new friends. i wont be here for long. i'm thinking a year or two.... and then i'm out. out of maryland. forever. (you read it anyways, didnt you rachel?)

if you have made it this far in the journal.... i would like to say thank you. you are the people that i'm missing so much right now. and you're probably thinking to how did she have all this free time to write such a lengthy entry about her depressing breakdown, and why am i still reading it? well my friends.....that is because if all of that wasnt enough for a wrecked week.... heres another little morsel for ya.... i'm tied to my chair. ok.... not literally "tied".....let me explain. so i'm laying on the couch in the living room... enjoying me some Rent..... when what to my wondering eyes should appear....but a rat. a real life rat. as in Splinter.... the rat. not stuart little. it ran across my kitchen floor. it was as if the whole world stopped. the movie, the music, my heart. just stopped. i didnt scream.... outloud. i just sat there staring at my kitchen door. at this time i jumped up, and called my landlord (eyes never leaving the kitchen) left a message for them.... and then i called my sure-fire. all-time. always-there. mitas-touch. freak-out buddy....ryan. ryan has been there when i was sick. when i needed the scores to an important game. when i thought someone was breaking into my house when i was alone in houston. and now.... when i saw a rat and didnt know what to do. of course....the thing i forget in these situations is that ryan is in TEXAS. there is nothing he can really do about it. but i know he'll let me whine and yell and completely freak out and somehow by the end of the conversation.... he makes it ok. never the less.... ryan's advice to me was that i kill it. .... oh yeahfreakinright. i aint going back in there near it.... is what i kept yelling. so this is what i ended up doing.... closing the door to the kitchen and stuffing all my towels under the door. and every once in a while banging on the door. as if to keep splinter from trying to escape. after doing this... i realized that i have locked the rat in my kitchen. with all my food. but more importantly....... all my diet coke. and i just went to the grocery store yesterday! however.... this is the single best diet plan i've ever been on. want to lose weight? put a rat in your kitchen. not only will you never think about entering your kitchen.... but you would actually rather the rat eat all your food than come face to face with it again. so after i did that. i jumped up on my chair. .... and i havent left yet. except to specualte with the sweet couple downstairs who are living in sin to question them about our "rat problem". they suggested "have a heart" rat traps. you know... the ones that catch the rodents...but dont kill them..... i suggest 'hell no'. i want it dead. and i want a diet coke. now.

and that's pretty much it. i'm leaving for a trip in a few hours. so at least i dont have to slumber party with the rat tonight. please dont worry about me. i miss all of you. and if anyone would like to come see me, there is nothing in this world that would make me happier. but truly, i'm ok. i just had a bad day. i still absolutely love my job. my job makes even the worst of days ok.

and now a list of disclaimers. here is a list of people that i might have offended in today's journal entry, but didnt mean to. well.. not entirely.... my family. rachel. the lesbian community. black people. couples living in sin. couples in general.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Thursday, August 17, 2006

compelation of thoughts

snakes on a plane. who's billiant idea was this? hmmm.... i mean.... really....why dont we just combine morgan's worst fear with something she does on a daily basis. this is one movie that i can say with 100% confidence that i will NEVER..... EVER see. there is no dollar amount that you could pay me to see this movie. i wont even read reviews. what's next? ...... coming to a theatre near you... snakes at burger king? ...... snakes in the grocery store?...... no place is safe for morgan.

you know it's going to be a good voicemail when it starts out...... "morgan. this is chris ables. your best friend from high school. remember, we went to prom together"..... he starts every late night phone call with that beginning line.... note: we did not go to prom together.

i had a guy on the plane the other day that was inquiring about food. he says.... are we going to have like a snack or anything?.. granted this was only an hour flight, so we told him that we had peanuts. and he says,'well if i start now, can we see how many i could eat?' .... he was very hungry. now... we are still on the ground at this time. so one of the flight attendants goes in the back and grabs an entire bag of peanuts. not just an individual bag of peanuts..... she grabbed a big bag that holds roughly 25 individual bags of peanuts. at the end of the hour we had the whole plane fist pumping and yelling, "WILL! WILL! WILL! WILL!"..... it was awesome. i dont know where him and his friends were going... but will was gonna be some kind of sick.

i swear....i cannot get away from delilah. you know who i'm talking about..... that lady on the easy listening radio station late at night, with the oh-so creepy voice. i hate delilah. her voice is not soothing, it is creepy. and while we are going with this hateful segment of the journal today, i'd like to say this..... go to hell n'kimbe.

i've decided. the laziest people on earth are those people who stand still on the moving walk ways at airports. extra points if you are eating ice cream while standing still. however, have you ever been in a really big hurry at the airport and actually gotten on one of those where you could really truck it? you start moving your legs and you look around you and everything is moving so fast, and you almost believe you have super power walking skills......until you reach the end of the moving walkway and you step on to still ground without realizing it and you trip and almost eat it... if you have never experienced this... i suggest you try it. or.... just watch for a flight attendant to come along.... you would think we would learn our lesson.

there was a time. a few days ago. i was thinking about shutting down the journal again. i thought i had lost "the funny".... that's the only purpose of this thing anyways. who cares what i do or think on a daily basis....unless i can make it entertaining.

and thats all. well.... that and i think i'm going deaf.

Monday, August 14, 2006

give it to me.

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.... no...wait....just give me your address.

seriously. if you've already given it to me then i've already got it. i'm not engaged. i'm not pregnant. and no, i'm not stalking you. ok.....maybe i am. i just like to send people things.... like postcards, and large, expensive, extravagant gifts. dont you want those things? so fork it over.

oh and also... if you are ever flying southwest. tell me what flight you are on, and i'll see if i know any of the crew that will be on your flight.... or i could try to pick up the trip and work it.... OR... if i'm not working... then i'll just take the flight with you and then fly back to baltimore!! it will make your whole airport experience sooo much better. no lines. i'll carry on your liquids for you. and we'll get the best seats on the plane! how much fun will that be? i'm serious.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

marry me, fly for free.

i've got the coolest job ever. it's true.... but even the coolest job ever has some downfalls. i ask myself every day... what is WRONG with people? this past month i have flown the same route every week. and as far as passengers are concerned... denver people are strange. i dont have any other word but strange to describe them as. you never really know what you are going to get on a flight. and they arent like weird like "austin,tx weird".... they are just peculiar people in general. long island passengers are old and like coffee. and LA passengers.... they are horrible horrible people that dont deserve to live. i mean..... fly. dont deserve to fly. i could write books about these people. i hate west coast flights. ...i think that i'm comfortable enough now that i wouldnt freak out if someone i knew ended up on one of my flights. so what i'm going to need you all to do is start booking flights on my trips. ;-) much fun would that be? and you know what i'm always shocked at... the amount of people who eat peanuts on a flight. it's almost as if they feel as if it's what they should be doing. kinda like going to starbucks if you're in NY. i've never seen so many peanut eating people in my life.

ok, if you are going to fly:

  • ask for the whole can of coke. this will ensure your drink is not small, watered down, or flat.
  • SPEAK UP. we cant hear on the plane. and if you are whispering we are going to bring you a gingerale just to spite you. and gingerale is gross.
  • dont use the pillows on the plane. sick.
  • ask nicely. i would do anything for someone on that plane if they would just ask nicely.
  • if your eyes are closed..... we assume you are asleep, and the last thing we want to do is wake a sleeping passenger. those are my favorite kind. therefore... dont you cop no 'tude with me if you didnt get a coke or a snack pack. caaaaalm down... you're gonna upset ya wound!!
  • oh wait.... let me guess.... you're gonna "write a letter".
  • do not use the flight attendant call button just to have us pick up one little piece of trash. did you not see me walking up and down the aisle 12 times with a large white trash bag?
  • if the captain has made the flight attendants sit down for turbulence. then.. SIT DOWN. bad bad things happen during turbulence.
  • do not ask for half de-caf/ half regular coffee. i will spit in your drink.
  • tomato juice has got to be made from this sickest ingredients on earth. it is the most disgusting thing ever. i was flying on a trip with this lady the other day and on our third day she finally commented... 'did you know that every time you have had to take a tomato juice out.... you have called it 'that nasty ole tomato juice'.' i guess i hadnt... but i'm pretty sure it is the official juice of satan. and it stains my required white tennis shoes.
  • be cool. passengers can make or break a ride. i had some passengers that insisted that i play holdem with them for at least one round. they were great and made the trip go by so much quicker. we like to talk to people. we like to flirt. we like to play with little kids. we like to play jokes. we like to have a good time.
  • every LOVES a singing flight attendant. i sang on my first flight the other day. it was fun, but the response was even better.
  • and on that note... you wont always get a fun crew. sometimes you will get a cut and dry crew that wont be fun, or tell jokes, or sing. and sometimes you'll get a crew that sings TOO much, and tells TOO many jokes.
  • we never know what day it is, and we dont know where we've been, and we probably cant tell you where we are at the moment.... but we can tell you exactly how long it is before we get home.
  • in the middle of a flight, do not ask a me ...."where are we right now?".... well i dont know...why dont you look outside and read the road signs! i mean.... seriously?
  • when we're coming around to take drink orders... do not ask "what do you have?" ....we made the announcements about 15 times to look at the beverage menu page in spirit magazine. what do you want to drink and i'll tell you what we have. i might spit in your well deserved gingerale if you ask me this.
  • oh, and we know you dont listen to the announcements. it only bothers us sometimes..... like when you ask "what do you have?"
  • do not. i repeat... do NOT leave ANY trash in an airplane. do you hear me? do not let me catch you doing this. we come by so so many times to pick up your trash. ugh.
  • the only thing that we really like you to leave behind is magazines. especially the good ones like InSyle, or Domino, or any hair mag! i'm pretty sure that i know more about ashlee simpson right now than i do about some of my friends!
  • oh and finally... if you are going to southwest... cause no one loves you, or your money more than us at southwest!