Monday, March 17, 2008

morgan thinks she's black....again.

i have a story.

so emily, because shes such a big wig over there at the bank, she gets tickets to great things. things like the african american chamber of commerce of greater houston banquet. and shes even so great, that Chase gives her tickets for her friends to attend this blessed event as well. seeing as i am 75% african american (thank you juva), i was the obvious choice for her to take as her date. this sort of thing is right up my alley. it also happens to be up our friend Trevina's alley, shes 100% african american (thank you trevina's parents). well, lets just start with our attire for the evening. we all show up in black dresses. i'm wearing my slightly more scandalous black dress because emily told me to. it was a jedi mind trick. so we're all pretty dressy. we show up just as everyone is settling down and the speaker approaches the mic. A nice studly black man gives me his arm to walk us to our table. (at this point everyone is seated and the speaker has started speaking) and he just keeps walking up closer and closer to the front. and i kindly say to him, um wow, we keep walking to the front. and he says "yes, you've got table 13, its the very front table" ...i mean...couldnt they put the whitey's in the back or something. have we learned nothing from rosa parks? oh and did i mention that we are by far the youngest people there. so they are walking three young girls in little black fancy dresses to the front. suddenly, i felt like the entertainment for the night. well we sit down. and the fun continues. we all stood up for a prayer, from none other than reverend nunely. i'm not kidding. reverend nunely. i told you this was right up my alley. i mean i got family. so he blesses us. then just as the three of us begin to sit down, they ask us to remain standing as we all sing the negro national anthem. if you think i'm kidding. i'm not. so here we are. young whitey singing the negro national anthem. now at this point it started to feel like being a baptist at a catholic mass. i didnt know if i was allowed to say the words, i didnt know whether to stand up or sit down, and i definitely didnt know the tune. safe to say i did a lot of fidgeting and darting eyes. and if that just wasnt enough. there was a man walking around taking pictures. and this is the moment that he decides to snap one of me and emily. in the middle of the negro national anthem. i just knew my face would be flashed on newstands statewide the next day. "whitey leads african american counsel in the negro national anthem. hope and change."

we finally sit ourselves down for a delicious meal. and entertainment. entertainment was provided by the one and only cecil shaw. i dont know if you've heard of him,he's kind of a big deal. he sang the classics. what's going on, yesterday, and let's get it on. yes. let's get it on. it is at this point i wondered why i didnt not go to more african american events such as this. then it came time for the speeches. and they were all pretty calm.... except for the last one. he starts going off about how we gotta get involved. gotta get involved with the children, the education, the churches, and the meteor. um....the meteor? so i tune out of this little speech. except for the part where he was being all politically correct, until he started going off about the retards. yes....kept shouting from the makeshift pulpit about the retartds. or as everyone else over the age of 13 calls them, mentally challenged...but whatever. the more pressing issue was that of the meteors. i mean he was passionate about these meteors. i started to think... what meteors? why was i not informed of the meteors? should i be doing something to prevent the meteors? it was not until riding in the car that emily pointed out her concern for the meteors.....until she realized that he was talking about the MEDIA. media? are you kidding me? i can excuse 'how ya'll durin' as how ya'll doing.....but just how do you get media from meteor??? i guess i can throw away all those 'save the meteor' posters.

well at the end of the night we decide that it would be a good idea to take a picture with the entertainment...cecil shaw. i mean...who doesnt want their picture with a large black man in an electric blue suit singing lets get it on? and it was a good idea...until he began to accost us. 'so girls do you have a myspace?' uhhhh...... and he wouldnt let it go. he had to go out to his car to get us some "business" "cards"...which turned out to be his homemade cd 'cecil shaw sings the classics' and he continues with his stories about ray charles....'you girls seen the movie Ray?' cecil shaw i cant say that i have.... 'well in that movie he says that cecil shaw is his favorite singer'...yeah, whatever old man. ...well we went and looked it up and had a good laugh at the fact that ray does, in fact, say that cecil shaw is his favorite singer. so basically he's rock star now.

they have yet to ask us back to any other african american chamber of commerce events....i cant imagine why.