Tuesday, February 24, 2009

morgan the prostitute.

today i was on the plane...and this is what happened...

i'm in the back galley. by myself. reading the news paper. i'm in the middle of the sports pages, and i read a disturbing fact, and i say out loud "oh my gosh, baylor is #6?", and as i'm saying this a man walks in my back galley, me and him had some interaction at the beginning of the flight, but he startels me. and now he is just kind of standing there looking at me, grinning. and this is the interaction from there.

man: (still standing there. just grinning. and now he begins mumbling.)
me: ummmm, yes?
man: (grinning. mumbling. and now shuffling his feet.)
me: do you want to go in there? (pointing to the bathroom)
man: (now he's giggling)
me: (i begin giggling)
*enter other flight attendant to back galley
man: (stops giggling. looks guilty)
other flight attendant: morgan, what are you reading about?
me: sports. baylor girls have dropped to #6!
man: (looks at me, his face drops, and then immediately looks as if a light bulb has gone off in his head. he begins laughing.)
*me and other flight attendant are now talking about baylor
man: (interrupting us..) i thought you said 'would you like to have SEX.'
all: (we burst out laughing.)
man: you even asked if i wanted to go in there. i was thinking 'i LOVE southwest airlines'.
me: no!...baylor...basketball....#SIX.....SIX.
man: oh. ok. (returns to his seat)

the end.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

the birds and the bees.

i recently attended my cousin's bachelorette party...at this "party" we discussed how we found out about the birds and the bees. i tell this story the same way every time. i dont know how old i was, but when i was "of age" my mom tells me early in the week that that weekend we were going to have a girls night. dad and cameron were going to have a guys night and we were going to have a girls night. i was pumped. i didnt know what one did on a girl's night...but i'm pretty sure it was awesome. so the night comes, cameron and dad take off to do what boys do. and mom and i were set to leave shortly after. however, she kept delaying out departure. i kept bugging her about leaving and she would tell me we would leave soon and kept doing laundry. laundry? in my mind, how could anything be more important than girls night? then....as i think we're about to leave, she calls me into her bedroom...all serious like. she sits me down, in her serious voice, (my first reaction was...oh, great, i'm in trouble) then she turns on the tv and makes me watch this video. now, if you know me well you know my memory is remarkable. however, i cant tell you anything that was in this video. apparently it was an informational video about sex. all i remember was fuming that this was delaying my girls night. and then i remember that after the video....there WAS NO GIRLS NIGHT. my memory of my disappoint supersedes my supposed newfound knowledge of the the male anatomy. the end. thats how i tell my story.

so i'm talking to my mom about the bachelorette party and what we did and the birds and bees talk comes up. note: i have never talked to my mom about my memories of this night....the one with the alleged girls night. over a decade has passed, and we have never discussed it....until now. so i tell her how i tell that story. she laughs and then tells me something unexpected....'wanna know how i tell that story?' ....what? you TELL this story to people?? so she begins.....she had this special night planned with her daughter. after noting that i was visibly frustrated about our impending 'girls night', she said that she called me into her room, and sat me down, explaining that we were going to watch a video. she hands me the remote and tells me that at any time, if i have any questions that i could pause the video and ask, any question at all. she said my first question was "when are we leaving??" ....she started the video. she says that when the video was almost over and all the info had pretty much been laid on the table, she says i paused the video. the made my mom very excited....she said 'i just knew my intelligent daughter had stopped the video to ask a mature, inventive, logical question.' i stopped the video and i looked at her and said....'soooo... this is how you make a baby?'....yes, she says....and i replied, 'ok, so you and dad dont do that anymore?' in that moment she tells me this, i just about die. as i said before, i dont remember anything about that night.....so i dont remember if she answered the question.....and i was afraid that she was going to answer me now and refresh my memory. she did not. i had a good laugh at my mature, inventive, logical question, and quickly changed the subject.

she has sinced admitted that she lied. there was never going to be a girls night.