May 14.

it's been a year.

it's been an entire year since i graduated. i view graduation as such an ugly word now. this day, one year ago, was hands down the saddest day of my life. i've never felt loss like that before. loss of friends, loss of childhood, loss of Baylor. just thinking about it makes me sad. all day long everyone was congratulating me and giving me presents but all i wanted to do was stay. i felt like my whole world was ripped from underneath me. my parents had to literally pull me away from my apt. i was recounting graduation day with someone the other day. the book, forgetting my collar and having to go back and get it, the scarf jaclyn gave me, packing up, the saddest goodbye ever in recorded history, the ride home.

i live in a constant state of "i miss you" now. i have probably uttered that phrase more in the past year than i have in my entire life. sometimes that is all i have to say to people. i used to know where all my friends were at any given time of the day, now i dont even know where some of them are or what they are doing. the people that i was so used to seeing on a daily basis, i havent seen some of them since graduation.

however. if you had told me on this day one year ago all the things that i would do in the coming year, i would have laughed and probably freaked out.

i miss you baylor. and everything you represented.