love is a battlefield.

so.... i cut my hair. and i dont mean, like, i took a few inches off. no. i took like FEET off my hair. my hair is the shorest it has ever been in my whole life. you see, i've always wanted to cut my hair really really short. and i'm not even upset that i cut all my hair off, i'm just upset at how it looks now that i have done this. it's one of those things that is fun for a few days, maybe, and then you want your long hair back. i've decided that it is better if i warn people about this rather than just "surprise" them. i would like to say that its short in the way that sienna miller and mandy moore had short hair, but in reality, i think i would rather have to say its short like pat benatar short. and that is unfortunate.

the day that it happened, i went and got it cut then came home and had a low grade stroke. vince and amanda had gone to work out, but they were the only ones that i could get ahold of in this crisis situation. (trust me, if you had seen it, you would consider it a crisis too) so i called them and told them i was coming to them. so i reluctantly slip in, and here comes amanda and she gives me the exact look that i was expecting. it was the, "OH. MY. GOSH. what-have-you-done-but-i'm-trying-to-look-like-i'm-not-shocked look". so she tries to tell me "it's not that bad" but of course she's lying. so i start yelling "not that bad? NOT THAT BAD?? amanda... i look like a DYKE! i look like a DYKE!" at which point she hurriedly shuffles me outside so i'm not in the middle of 24 hour fitness shouting this. all she can do at this point is laugh, and all i can do yell. vince finally comes outside and they discuss whether or not i look younger or older in my rocker haircut, which really is of no importance right now. i just cut off all my hair, do we understand the level of importance here? well... they were of no help, so i called amol, because i thought he would be able to comfort me in some way. and when i told him that i cut off all my hair he goes "WHAT?? you did WHAT?" ok so he didnt understand. boys... if you are ever around a girl that has just gotten what she believes is the worst hair cut of her life...... that is not exactly the time to tell her how hot she was with longer hair. and you shouldnt tell the girl who takes everything personally, "dont take it personally". i'm just sayin..... (however, he did make it up to me, and for that i appreciate him)

well after i called and told my parents, they had me on suicide watch for about a week. and i've heard "its not that bad".... and ..."hair grows", more times than i can count. i was telling amanda that it seemed that everywhere i went after i cut off my hair, people would look at me, it was as if they KNEW i had just cut off my hair and they were all ridiculing me. they were all looking at me like "what have you done?". and amanda didnt believe me, until we were on the elevator with some random woman, and she saw it. she saw the look.

well i've now had the new 'do for about a week and a half. and there are times where i look at it and really like it. but most of the time i still want to put a paper bag over my head before i walk out the door. i'm trying to gain the courage to post a picture of it on facebook. i cant do it. not yet. i need to get a little more used to it. the worst part of it all is that i dont feel like myself when i look in the mirror. i think that feeling is worse than the actual haircut.