I was cleaning out my closet the other day and came across so many clothes that i have that i dont wear anymore. i gathered them all up in a bag to tote them off to a consignment shop. the consignment shop wasnt accepting clothes, and i had already deemed them as 'castaways', but some of these things were too nice for me to just...let go of...for free. i couldnt bear the thought of some of this stuff sitting among the ugly christmas sweaters and the dozens of jackson family reunion tshirts at goodwill. and then i had a brilliant idea. i thought, my friends would wear some of this stuff. some of my friends would look GREAT in this stuff. its not that these are bad clothes, i just dont wear them anymore. so i thought, well i'll just have a clothes swap. that way, all my friends can bring all their too-nice-to-trash-that-i-dont-wear-anymore-but-are-still-in-wearable-condition clothes. Then, if its even possible, i had an even MORE brilliant thought...i'll make it into a charitable event. so heres the deal...go through your closets. gather all your clothes, shoes, jewelry, hats, and other various accessories that fit into this category, and bring them to my house. and i will turn my place into a boutique of all of our awesome clothes that we dont get enough use out of. admission into the CandyShop boutique will be $15. then you will come in, sift through racks of everyone's clothes and just take what you want. for some nicer items, in really good condition, we will have a silent auction to determine who takes home these pieces. once its over, i'll take all the clothes that are left and donate them to a charitable organization that can distribute them to those in need. (or maybe you know of one that you would like to suggest?)
The name of the event is called CandyShop. i have named it after my favorite little girl. my candygirl. if you know me, you know who she is. and for those of you who dont know, she is a precious little girl who i met at a camp i work every summer called Royal Family Kids Camp. It is a special camp for abused and neglected children in foster care. I have been mentoring her for almost two years and i adore her. i am having two CandyShops. The proceeds from the first CandyShop will go to Royal Family Kids Camps and Clubs, that i truly believe changes the lives of not only the children that attend it, but possibly more, those that work the camp. This little girl has impacted my life more than anyone ive ever met in such a short period of time. She makes me want to be a better person, and i believe this is a great way to honor her. i have deemed this event the "first ever" CandyShop because i plan on doing it again. it may not always be a clothes swap, and the proceeds may not go to Royal Family Kids Camps every time, but i want this to be something that i strive to do on a regular basis. although Candy is not in my life right now, i want her impact to continue. plus, i figured my mom would approve of this much more than getting her face tattooed on my forearm. the great theologian oprah, once said that "research shows that simple acts of generosity boost our immune systems, relieve pain, even make our hearts stronger"....what doesnt want that?? i mean, oprah said it, it gots to be true.
first EVER candyshop:
April 3, 2010
morgans apartment
8300 el mundo #717
HOUSTON,TX
1pm-4pm
second EVER candyshop
April 10, 2010
morgans parents house in tyler
2720 rockbridge
TYLER,TX
1pm-4pm
the proceeds for the second EVER candyshop will go to Ben and Katie Kilpatrick who are newlywed missionaries that sold everything they had and moved to Haiti last december and two weeks after they arrived, the earthquake hit. they have chosen to continue to stay and help in haiti and are doing amazing work for the Kingdom. God placed haiti on my heart a little over a year ago and a trip i had planned there in march fell through, but i intend on planning another one later this year. i think this would be a great way to help out this young couple, just trying to make a difference. their story is incredible and you can follow them at benandkatieinhaiti.com
You may bring your clothes to my house or moms house anytime between now and the night before the candyshop. i love visitors, come over anytime. please, PLEASE invite any and everyone you know to this. i would love to have as many people involved in this as possible. the more people involved, the more clothes you will have to choose from. i dont care how old you are, i dont care what size you are, theres a place for you at the Candyshop. and maybe you cant make it on that date of the candyshop, but maybe you friends can, maybe your mom can, maybe your coworkers can....maybe. if you love me, you'll invite them. (i have no shame, i will guilt you into this if i have to) and dont forget to invite that friend who's BCBG dress you have been eyeing for a full year. i mean, its not like shes going to wear it...its been a year, the tags are still on it, fork it over sister. and dont you think its high time you did something with all those "skinny" clothes you have been hanging on to for dear life? yes honey, i truly believe that one day you will be able to fit into them, but why not let your friends hold on to them until you can. you dont have to attend the swap to donate clothes, but you do have to donate clothes in order to attend the swap. your "castaways" and $15 are your entrance fee into this wonderland of treasures. and donations are more than welcome! i will provide drinks and the obligatory "showeresq-chick-food". it will just be a good time. i would love for you to bring your clothes on hangers, but it is not necessary. i will make it work, a la tim gunn style. i'll take anything you got, i'll even take boy clothes, boys are not excluded from this!
questions? ideas? wanna come over and give me your clothes? 903.279.5742.
thankyou!
m.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
morgan the prostitute.
today i was on the plane...and this is what happened...
i'm in the back galley. by myself. reading the news paper. i'm in the middle of the sports pages, and i read a disturbing fact, and i say out loud "oh my gosh, baylor is #6?", and as i'm saying this a man walks in my back galley, me and him had some interaction at the beginning of the flight, but he startels me. and now he is just kind of standing there looking at me, grinning. and this is the interaction from there.
man: (still standing there. just grinning. and now he begins mumbling.)
me: ummmm, yes?
man: (grinning. mumbling. and now shuffling his feet.)
me: do you want to go in there? (pointing to the bathroom)
man: (now he's giggling)
me: (i begin giggling)
*enter other flight attendant to back galley
man: (stops giggling. looks guilty)
other flight attendant: morgan, what are you reading about?
me: sports. baylor girls have dropped to #6!
man: (looks at me, his face drops, and then immediately looks as if a light bulb has gone off in his head. he begins laughing.)
*me and other flight attendant are now talking about baylor
man: (interrupting us..) i thought you said 'would you like to have SEX.'
all: (we burst out laughing.)
man: you even asked if i wanted to go in there. i was thinking 'i LOVE southwest airlines'.
me: no!...baylor...basketball....#SIX.....SIX.
man: oh. ok. (returns to his seat)
the end.
i'm in the back galley. by myself. reading the news paper. i'm in the middle of the sports pages, and i read a disturbing fact, and i say out loud "oh my gosh, baylor is #6?", and as i'm saying this a man walks in my back galley, me and him had some interaction at the beginning of the flight, but he startels me. and now he is just kind of standing there looking at me, grinning. and this is the interaction from there.
man: (still standing there. just grinning. and now he begins mumbling.)
me: ummmm, yes?
man: (grinning. mumbling. and now shuffling his feet.)
me: do you want to go in there? (pointing to the bathroom)
man: (now he's giggling)
me: (i begin giggling)
*enter other flight attendant to back galley
man: (stops giggling. looks guilty)
other flight attendant: morgan, what are you reading about?
me: sports. baylor girls have dropped to #6!
man: (looks at me, his face drops, and then immediately looks as if a light bulb has gone off in his head. he begins laughing.)
*me and other flight attendant are now talking about baylor
man: (interrupting us..) i thought you said 'would you like to have SEX.'
all: (we burst out laughing.)
man: you even asked if i wanted to go in there. i was thinking 'i LOVE southwest airlines'.
me: no!...baylor...basketball....#SIX.....SIX.
man: oh. ok. (returns to his seat)
the end.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
the birds and the bees.
i recently attended my cousin's bachelorette party...at this "party" we discussed how we found out about the birds and the bees. i tell this story the same way every time. i dont know how old i was, but when i was "of age" my mom tells me early in the week that that weekend we were going to have a girls night. dad and cameron were going to have a guys night and we were going to have a girls night. i was pumped. i didnt know what one did on a girl's night...but i'm pretty sure it was awesome. so the night comes, cameron and dad take off to do what boys do. and mom and i were set to leave shortly after. however, she kept delaying out departure. i kept bugging her about leaving and she would tell me we would leave soon and kept doing laundry. laundry? in my mind, how could anything be more important than girls night? then....as i think we're about to leave, she calls me into her bedroom...all serious like. she sits me down, in her serious voice, (my first reaction was...oh, great, i'm in trouble) then she turns on the tv and makes me watch this video. now, if you know me well you know my memory is remarkable. however, i cant tell you anything that was in this video. apparently it was an informational video about sex. all i remember was fuming that this was delaying my girls night. and then i remember that after the video....there WAS NO GIRLS NIGHT. my memory of my disappoint supersedes my supposed newfound knowledge of the the male anatomy. the end. thats how i tell my story.
so i'm talking to my mom about the bachelorette party and what we did and the birds and bees talk comes up. note: i have never talked to my mom about my memories of this night....the one with the alleged girls night. over a decade has passed, and we have never discussed it....until now. so i tell her how i tell that story. she laughs and then tells me something unexpected....'wanna know how i tell that story?' ....what? you TELL this story to people?? so she begins.....she had this special night planned with her daughter. after noting that i was visibly frustrated about our impending 'girls night', she said that she called me into her room, and sat me down, explaining that we were going to watch a video. she hands me the remote and tells me that at any time, if i have any questions that i could pause the video and ask, any question at all. she said my first question was "when are we leaving??" ....she started the video. she says that when the video was almost over and all the info had pretty much been laid on the table, she says i paused the video. the made my mom very excited....she said 'i just knew my intelligent daughter had stopped the video to ask a mature, inventive, logical question.' i stopped the video and i looked at her and said....'soooo... this is how you make a baby?'....yes, she says....and i replied, 'ok, so you and dad dont do that anymore?' in that moment she tells me this, i just about die. as i said before, i dont remember anything about that night.....so i dont remember if she answered the question.....and i was afraid that she was going to answer me now and refresh my memory. she did not. i had a good laugh at my mature, inventive, logical question, and quickly changed the subject.
she has sinced admitted that she lied. there was never going to be a girls night.
so i'm talking to my mom about the bachelorette party and what we did and the birds and bees talk comes up. note: i have never talked to my mom about my memories of this night....the one with the alleged girls night. over a decade has passed, and we have never discussed it....until now. so i tell her how i tell that story. she laughs and then tells me something unexpected....'wanna know how i tell that story?' ....what? you TELL this story to people?? so she begins.....she had this special night planned with her daughter. after noting that i was visibly frustrated about our impending 'girls night', she said that she called me into her room, and sat me down, explaining that we were going to watch a video. she hands me the remote and tells me that at any time, if i have any questions that i could pause the video and ask, any question at all. she said my first question was "when are we leaving??" ....she started the video. she says that when the video was almost over and all the info had pretty much been laid on the table, she says i paused the video. the made my mom very excited....she said 'i just knew my intelligent daughter had stopped the video to ask a mature, inventive, logical question.' i stopped the video and i looked at her and said....'soooo... this is how you make a baby?'....yes, she says....and i replied, 'ok, so you and dad dont do that anymore?' in that moment she tells me this, i just about die. as i said before, i dont remember anything about that night.....so i dont remember if she answered the question.....and i was afraid that she was going to answer me now and refresh my memory. she did not. i had a good laugh at my mature, inventive, logical question, and quickly changed the subject.
she has sinced admitted that she lied. there was never going to be a girls night.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
party in the bathroom.
so i was in new york last week, because, well, basically my job is better than yours and southwest decided to drop me in new york for almost an entire day, so i went into the city to do some shopping. as i'm shopping, and inhaling too many street vendor hot dogs and diet cokes, i decided that i had to pee. and then, like a becon, calling me hither, i see this 
in the middle of times square, the biggest (and strangest) marketing ploys i've ever seen. if the need to pee did not entice me, the sheer curiosity of the whole adventure called me forth. so as i walk up to this, alleged bathroom, there are all these lights and "charmin" people standing outside, and as i walk in, there is a nice man welcoming me through the doors. i've never seen someone so pleasant and excited about the possibility of liquids escaping my body. he directed me up the escalator, that from the bottom, i could not see the top. at this point, i became skeptical, i turned to the nice gentleman and said....there are bathrooms up there....right? he said yes. but then i had another thought....i turned again and said...they are free, right? he laughed, in his nice bathroom attendant way, and again directed me up the escalator. i ascend the escalator, but there is no way, in written or spoken word, that someone could have prepared me for what lay ahead of me at the top of the escalator. there are MORE happy bathroom people. and its like this winter wonderland tissue paper extravaganza. so i stand in the line, completely stunned. it was like entering a different universe. of course there was a line. it was a bathroom. so, in front of me there is a big wall of doors. all of them possibly bathrooms. there are people everywhere shuttling people to and from the line to the bathroom. and it wasnt confirmed yet, but i was pretty sure someone had a microphone. we'll call him the bathroom dj. (i didnt have a problem with this). so i cautiously look around and among other novelties, like a dance floor, and a playground, and plasma tv screens blasting seasame street-esq charmin spots, there was a station that resembles the picture booth you go to when you get off a ride at six flags. i thought, oh no, they're going to take pictures of you while you're in the bathroom. i just know it. how violating. all the time my eyes are getting bigger and bigger. it was the strangest place i'd ever been to. i just had to pee. i didnt need a show. i needed a toilet. or a cup. it's whatever.
i get closer and closer to the front of the line. my heart starts to beat a little faster. the need to pee was growing stronger and i wasnt sure if something was going to jump out and get me or what exactly happened once you get to the front of the line. well i must have looked pretty bewildered, another nice bathroom attendant grabbed my hand and directed me in the direction of one of the doors. finally!! i couldnt wait to get out of that bizarre place. and the worst part about it was that no one was there to experience it with me. that is not a place you need to attempt by yourself. i met up with some friends later, and i wouldnt even tell them my tales of the bathroom. i told them they had to experience it on their own. so finally, it's my turn in one of the many stalls (however, i'm not gonna lie, i was a little disappointed that i didnt get the disco ball room. the guy with the microphone kept talking about it.) so there i am. peeing. minding my own business. and then....it happened. the ground began to shake. there were very loud noises going on right outside my door. and i thought 'oh my gosh, they have sensors that tell you if someone has been in the bathroom too long and i've exceeded the alloted time.' or worse 'jesus. jesus is coming back. jesus is coming back and i'm in a strange charmin alteruniverse' no......this just cannot be happening. so i quickly finished up and got the hell up on out of there. once i busted open my door to escape this place, i realized what was really going on....apparently the charmin "stomp team" came out to the middle of the floor, and they were....stomping. then. they were yelling. "party in the bathroom. party in the bathroom. party in the bathroom" and THEN they tried to get crowd involvement, and since i was the closest one to them, after busting out of my stall i was basically in the middle of them. they tried to get me to join them. tried. i have strict rules about this. dancing, after bathrooming? there has got to be some 30 minutes minimum swimming rule applied here. well, at any rate, after imaginatively talking myself into thinking that the stomp team was the return of the Messiah, dancing was not in the cards for me....i just wanted to leave. and i still had not figured out if i needed to stop by the booth with the pictures to make sure they had not snapped one of me on the john, but hey, maybe it was a good shot, could have been my new facebook profile pic....wait...what am i saying...get out morgan. get out at all costs. so i get out of the "party in the bathroom" crowd, and i make my way out.... well...what i thought was out. but no. i had run right into the duracell power station. at this point i let out a very grinch like "arrgh" and turned right around and asked the nearest charmin bear mascot...yes, the bears from the commercials, how to get out of here. HE tried dancing with me too. i was in no mood. so a nice bathroom attendant directed me to the down escalator, because clearly the charmin mascots cannot talk. clearly. i get down the long escalator. i walk. i do not ride. i get out of the building and back into the hustle of the people in times square, back to the dirt, the grime, the honking and the pushing....and i know i am safe.
in the middle of times square, the biggest (and strangest) marketing ploys i've ever seen. if the need to pee did not entice me, the sheer curiosity of the whole adventure called me forth. so as i walk up to this, alleged bathroom, there are all these lights and "charmin" people standing outside, and as i walk in, there is a nice man welcoming me through the doors. i've never seen someone so pleasant and excited about the possibility of liquids escaping my body. he directed me up the escalator, that from the bottom, i could not see the top. at this point, i became skeptical, i turned to the nice gentleman and said....there are bathrooms up there....right? he said yes. but then i had another thought....i turned again and said...they are free, right? he laughed, in his nice bathroom attendant way, and again directed me up the escalator. i ascend the escalator, but there is no way, in written or spoken word, that someone could have prepared me for what lay ahead of me at the top of the escalator. there are MORE happy bathroom people. and its like this winter wonderland tissue paper extravaganza. so i stand in the line, completely stunned. it was like entering a different universe. of course there was a line. it was a bathroom. so, in front of me there is a big wall of doors. all of them possibly bathrooms. there are people everywhere shuttling people to and from the line to the bathroom. and it wasnt confirmed yet, but i was pretty sure someone had a microphone. we'll call him the bathroom dj. (i didnt have a problem with this). so i cautiously look around and among other novelties, like a dance floor, and a playground, and plasma tv screens blasting seasame street-esq charmin spots, there was a station that resembles the picture booth you go to when you get off a ride at six flags. i thought, oh no, they're going to take pictures of you while you're in the bathroom. i just know it. how violating. all the time my eyes are getting bigger and bigger. it was the strangest place i'd ever been to. i just had to pee. i didnt need a show. i needed a toilet. or a cup. it's whatever.
i get closer and closer to the front of the line. my heart starts to beat a little faster. the need to pee was growing stronger and i wasnt sure if something was going to jump out and get me or what exactly happened once you get to the front of the line. well i must have looked pretty bewildered, another nice bathroom attendant grabbed my hand and directed me in the direction of one of the doors. finally!! i couldnt wait to get out of that bizarre place. and the worst part about it was that no one was there to experience it with me. that is not a place you need to attempt by yourself. i met up with some friends later, and i wouldnt even tell them my tales of the bathroom. i told them they had to experience it on their own. so finally, it's my turn in one of the many stalls (however, i'm not gonna lie, i was a little disappointed that i didnt get the disco ball room. the guy with the microphone kept talking about it.) so there i am. peeing. minding my own business. and then....it happened. the ground began to shake. there were very loud noises going on right outside my door. and i thought 'oh my gosh, they have sensors that tell you if someone has been in the bathroom too long and i've exceeded the alloted time.' or worse 'jesus. jesus is coming back. jesus is coming back and i'm in a strange charmin alteruniverse' no......this just cannot be happening. so i quickly finished up and got the hell up on out of there. once i busted open my door to escape this place, i realized what was really going on....apparently the charmin "stomp team" came out to the middle of the floor, and they were....stomping. then. they were yelling. "party in the bathroom. party in the bathroom. party in the bathroom" and THEN they tried to get crowd involvement, and since i was the closest one to them, after busting out of my stall i was basically in the middle of them. they tried to get me to join them. tried. i have strict rules about this. dancing, after bathrooming? there has got to be some 30 minutes minimum swimming rule applied here. well, at any rate, after imaginatively talking myself into thinking that the stomp team was the return of the Messiah, dancing was not in the cards for me....i just wanted to leave. and i still had not figured out if i needed to stop by the booth with the pictures to make sure they had not snapped one of me on the john, but hey, maybe it was a good shot, could have been my new facebook profile pic....wait...what am i saying...get out morgan. get out at all costs. so i get out of the "party in the bathroom" crowd, and i make my way out.... well...what i thought was out. but no. i had run right into the duracell power station. at this point i let out a very grinch like "arrgh" and turned right around and asked the nearest charmin bear mascot...yes, the bears from the commercials, how to get out of here. HE tried dancing with me too. i was in no mood. so a nice bathroom attendant directed me to the down escalator, because clearly the charmin mascots cannot talk. clearly. i get down the long escalator. i walk. i do not ride. i get out of the building and back into the hustle of the people in times square, back to the dirt, the grime, the honking and the pushing....and i know i am safe.
Monday, March 17, 2008
morgan thinks she's black....again.
i have a story.
so emily, because shes such a big wig over there at the bank, she gets tickets to great things. things like the african american chamber of commerce of greater houston banquet. and shes even so great, that Chase gives her tickets for her friends to attend this blessed event as well. seeing as i am 75% african american (thank you juva), i was the obvious choice for her to take as her date. this sort of thing is right up my alley. it also happens to be up our friend Trevina's alley, shes 100% african american (thank you trevina's parents). well, lets just start with our attire for the evening. we all show up in black dresses. i'm wearing my slightly more scandalous black dress because emily told me to. it was a jedi mind trick. so we're all pretty dressy. we show up just as everyone is settling down and the speaker approaches the mic. A nice studly black man gives me his arm to walk us to our table. (at this point everyone is seated and the speaker has started speaking) and he just keeps walking up closer and closer to the front. and i kindly say to him, um wow, we keep walking to the front. and he says "yes, you've got table 13, its the very front table" ...i mean...couldnt they put the whitey's in the back or something. have we learned nothing from rosa parks? oh and did i mention that we are by far the youngest people there. so they are walking three young girls in little black fancy dresses to the front. suddenly, i felt like the entertainment for the night. well we sit down. and the fun continues. we all stood up for a prayer, from none other than reverend nunely. i'm not kidding. reverend nunely. i told you this was right up my alley. i mean i got family. so he blesses us. then just as the three of us begin to sit down, they ask us to remain standing as we all sing the negro national anthem. if you think i'm kidding. i'm not. so here we are. young whitey singing the negro national anthem. now at this point it started to feel like being a baptist at a catholic mass. i didnt know if i was allowed to say the words, i didnt know whether to stand up or sit down, and i definitely didnt know the tune. safe to say i did a lot of fidgeting and darting eyes. and if that just wasnt enough. there was a man walking around taking pictures. and this is the moment that he decides to snap one of me and emily. in the middle of the negro national anthem. i just knew my face would be flashed on newstands statewide the next day. "whitey leads african american counsel in the negro national anthem. hope and change."
we finally sit ourselves down for a delicious meal. and entertainment. entertainment was provided by the one and only cecil shaw. i dont know if you've heard of him,he's kind of a big deal. he sang the classics. what's going on, yesterday, and let's get it on. yes. let's get it on. it is at this point i wondered why i didnt not go to more african american events such as this. then it came time for the speeches. and they were all pretty calm.... except for the last one. he starts going off about how we gotta get involved. gotta get involved with the children, the education, the churches, and the meteor. um....the meteor? so i tune out of this little speech. except for the part where he was being all politically correct, until he started going off about the retards. yes....kept shouting from the makeshift pulpit about the retartds. or as everyone else over the age of 13 calls them, mentally challenged...but whatever. the more pressing issue was that of the meteors. i mean he was passionate about these meteors. i started to think... what meteors? why was i not informed of the meteors? should i be doing something to prevent the meteors? it was not until riding in the car that emily pointed out her concern for the meteors.....until she realized that he was talking about the MEDIA. media? are you kidding me? i can excuse 'how ya'll durin' as how ya'll doing.....but just how do you get media from meteor??? i guess i can throw away all those 'save the meteor' posters.
well at the end of the night we decide that it would be a good idea to take a picture with the entertainment...cecil shaw. i mean...who doesnt want their picture with a large black man in an electric blue suit singing lets get it on? and it was a good idea...until he began to accost us. 'so girls do you have a myspace?' uhhhh...... and he wouldnt let it go. he had to go out to his car to get us some "business" "cards"...which turned out to be his homemade cd 'cecil shaw sings the classics' and he continues with his stories about ray charles....'you girls seen the movie Ray?' ...no cecil shaw i cant say that i have.... 'well in that movie he says that cecil shaw is his favorite singer'...yeah, whatever old man. ...well we went and looked it up and had a good laugh at the fact that ray does, in fact, say that cecil shaw is his favorite singer. so basically he's rock star now.
they have yet to ask us back to any other african american chamber of commerce events....i cant imagine why.
so emily, because shes such a big wig over there at the bank, she gets tickets to great things. things like the african american chamber of commerce of greater houston banquet. and shes even so great, that Chase gives her tickets for her friends to attend this blessed event as well. seeing as i am 75% african american (thank you juva), i was the obvious choice for her to take as her date. this sort of thing is right up my alley. it also happens to be up our friend Trevina's alley, shes 100% african american (thank you trevina's parents). well, lets just start with our attire for the evening. we all show up in black dresses. i'm wearing my slightly more scandalous black dress because emily told me to. it was a jedi mind trick. so we're all pretty dressy. we show up just as everyone is settling down and the speaker approaches the mic. A nice studly black man gives me his arm to walk us to our table. (at this point everyone is seated and the speaker has started speaking) and he just keeps walking up closer and closer to the front. and i kindly say to him, um wow, we keep walking to the front. and he says "yes, you've got table 13, its the very front table" ...i mean...couldnt they put the whitey's in the back or something. have we learned nothing from rosa parks? oh and did i mention that we are by far the youngest people there. so they are walking three young girls in little black fancy dresses to the front. suddenly, i felt like the entertainment for the night. well we sit down. and the fun continues. we all stood up for a prayer, from none other than reverend nunely. i'm not kidding. reverend nunely. i told you this was right up my alley. i mean i got family. so he blesses us. then just as the three of us begin to sit down, they ask us to remain standing as we all sing the negro national anthem. if you think i'm kidding. i'm not. so here we are. young whitey singing the negro national anthem. now at this point it started to feel like being a baptist at a catholic mass. i didnt know if i was allowed to say the words, i didnt know whether to stand up or sit down, and i definitely didnt know the tune. safe to say i did a lot of fidgeting and darting eyes. and if that just wasnt enough. there was a man walking around taking pictures. and this is the moment that he decides to snap one of me and emily. in the middle of the negro national anthem. i just knew my face would be flashed on newstands statewide the next day. "whitey leads african american counsel in the negro national anthem. hope and change."
we finally sit ourselves down for a delicious meal. and entertainment. entertainment was provided by the one and only cecil shaw. i dont know if you've heard of him,he's kind of a big deal. he sang the classics. what's going on, yesterday, and let's get it on. yes. let's get it on. it is at this point i wondered why i didnt not go to more african american events such as this. then it came time for the speeches. and they were all pretty calm.... except for the last one. he starts going off about how we gotta get involved. gotta get involved with the children, the education, the churches, and the meteor. um....the meteor? so i tune out of this little speech. except for the part where he was being all politically correct, until he started going off about the retards. yes....kept shouting from the makeshift pulpit about the retartds. or as everyone else over the age of 13 calls them, mentally challenged...but whatever. the more pressing issue was that of the meteors. i mean he was passionate about these meteors. i started to think... what meteors? why was i not informed of the meteors? should i be doing something to prevent the meteors? it was not until riding in the car that emily pointed out her concern for the meteors.....until she realized that he was talking about the MEDIA. media? are you kidding me? i can excuse 'how ya'll durin' as how ya'll doing.....but just how do you get media from meteor??? i guess i can throw away all those 'save the meteor' posters.
well at the end of the night we decide that it would be a good idea to take a picture with the entertainment...cecil shaw. i mean...who doesnt want their picture with a large black man in an electric blue suit singing lets get it on? and it was a good idea...until he began to accost us. 'so girls do you have a myspace?' uhhhh...... and he wouldnt let it go. he had to go out to his car to get us some "business" "cards"...which turned out to be his homemade cd 'cecil shaw sings the classics' and he continues with his stories about ray charles....'you girls seen the movie Ray?' ...no cecil shaw i cant say that i have.... 'well in that movie he says that cecil shaw is his favorite singer'...yeah, whatever old man. ...well we went and looked it up and had a good laugh at the fact that ray does, in fact, say that cecil shaw is his favorite singer. so basically he's rock star now.
they have yet to ask us back to any other african american chamber of commerce events....i cant imagine why.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
ju is 25 and fabulous exclamation point.
i've been looking for an inspiring story that would adequately translate into a good story for journaling purposes. and i believe that i have found one. (i mean, not all of us can make toe fungus interesting like rachel can.) wait for it...this is a good one.
so the ju turned 25 and of course we had an extravaganza! everything with julie is an extravaganza. it basically equated to dinner and possibly some going out afterwards. well we were only going to the blue goose and the caliber of people we were going with are not necessarily "dress-up-even-when-it's-totally-unnecessary" kind of people. however i just happen to fall into this category. so sue me, i had gotten a new dress recently. and btw, it's awesome. and i wanted to wear it. so this dress....it's BRIGHT pink. and let's just say it aint no "church dress". i probably wont be prancing around granny's house in it. it may or may not be a little low cut... and it's a little too short for the baby jesus on a sunday morning. so i fix my huur-a. do my nails. makeup is lookin fly. (i told you people...it was an extravaganza!!!...plus, with my current job and current uniform, which you should all know how i feel about that...i look for ANY excuse to dress up.) anyways, i was having on of those "on" kind of nights. everything just kind of fell in place and i'm feeling good. so on this particular night, i'm running a little late. (i know, surprise surprise) but i had a good reason. i made julie a killer cake! (it just took a little longer than expected to make) it was awesome. i was also very proud of the cake. i'm thinking this is going to be a good night. so i quickly drive to the restaurant. and i had to park kind of in the boonies because there was no parking and as previously stated...i was running late so any open spot would have done just fine. so i get out of the car and i'm carrying the cake waitress style. believe me...i was hard to miss. girl in hot pink quasi-revealing dress (did i mention the front of this is almost completely covered in pink rhinestones?....the dress is good. it just is.) and i'm also carrying a big hot pink cake. so as i walk to the restaurant in heels that were probably too high for this night i pass some cops who seem very interested in my cake, we make friends, i pass by another restaurant, and i pass by the side of the building where there are restaurant patrons dining outside. they all see the dress, they all see the cake. so i walk into the restaurant and immediately see ju and crew, and i walk towards them and julie jumps up to see the cake and we hug and scream and generally cause a scene. i mean come on, get all your college roommates on! it was a ruckus. but as im hugging julie for probably the 4th time, i feel someone pulling on my dress behind me. like....tugging on it. it's a slinky dress...it doesnt need to be pulled at. but as i turn right around to deck the alleged tugger....i see that it was a male waiter and he's walking away and doesnt say a word. finally he turns around and puts his finger to his lips as to say "shhh".... and then it hits me. my entire life flashes before my eyes....and by entire life, i mean the last five minutes. and i realize what has just occurred. when i was getting into my car, i failed to remember that i had two yellow velcro rollers sitting in my driver seat. and when i got out of the car, they stuck to me. i quickly turned around the entire radius of the restaurant and saw that they all had seen what happened. they had seen me in all my glory with not one, but two yellow rollers stuck to my ass!!! julie and crew had no idea what was going on. they hadnt gotten a good view of the back side yet. so remember how i was telling you that it was such an "on" night, and everything was falling into place, and i was feeling good. yeah...that is pretty much where that line of thinking stopped. this now means that the cops, the people at the other restaurant, the outside dining restaurant patrons, and anyone else in eye shot of the girl in the overly pink rhinestone dress and hot pink cake has seen me, the dress, the cake, and the rollers.
later the waiter returned my rollers to me in a styrofoam to-go cup. very discreet....there really wasnt any need to do so though...everyone saw. everyone knew i was the girl with the rollers. is it bad that my first thought was...."oh this will be a great journal story". so there you go katie hall (p.s. can i tell you how much i loved that you signed your name as such. not just katie. not just katie bentley. katie hall.)
the end.
p.s. does anyone know....is chris brown legal yet? get your cougar on!
so the ju turned 25 and of course we had an extravaganza! everything with julie is an extravaganza. it basically equated to dinner and possibly some going out afterwards. well we were only going to the blue goose and the caliber of people we were going with are not necessarily "dress-up-even-when-it's-totally-unnecessary" kind of people. however i just happen to fall into this category. so sue me, i had gotten a new dress recently. and btw, it's awesome. and i wanted to wear it. so this dress....it's BRIGHT pink. and let's just say it aint no "church dress". i probably wont be prancing around granny's house in it. it may or may not be a little low cut... and it's a little too short for the baby jesus on a sunday morning. so i fix my huur-a. do my nails. makeup is lookin fly. (i told you people...it was an extravaganza!!!...plus, with my current job and current uniform, which you should all know how i feel about that...i look for ANY excuse to dress up.) anyways, i was having on of those "on" kind of nights. everything just kind of fell in place and i'm feeling good. so on this particular night, i'm running a little late. (i know, surprise surprise) but i had a good reason. i made julie a killer cake! (it just took a little longer than expected to make) it was awesome. i was also very proud of the cake. i'm thinking this is going to be a good night. so i quickly drive to the restaurant. and i had to park kind of in the boonies because there was no parking and as previously stated...i was running late so any open spot would have done just fine. so i get out of the car and i'm carrying the cake waitress style. believe me...i was hard to miss. girl in hot pink quasi-revealing dress (did i mention the front of this is almost completely covered in pink rhinestones?....the dress is good. it just is.) and i'm also carrying a big hot pink cake. so as i walk to the restaurant in heels that were probably too high for this night i pass some cops who seem very interested in my cake, we make friends, i pass by another restaurant, and i pass by the side of the building where there are restaurant patrons dining outside. they all see the dress, they all see the cake. so i walk into the restaurant and immediately see ju and crew, and i walk towards them and julie jumps up to see the cake and we hug and scream and generally cause a scene. i mean come on, get all your college roommates on! it was a ruckus. but as im hugging julie for probably the 4th time, i feel someone pulling on my dress behind me. like....tugging on it. it's a slinky dress...it doesnt need to be pulled at. but as i turn right around to deck the alleged tugger....i see that it was a male waiter and he's walking away and doesnt say a word. finally he turns around and puts his finger to his lips as to say "shhh".... and then it hits me. my entire life flashes before my eyes....and by entire life, i mean the last five minutes. and i realize what has just occurred. when i was getting into my car, i failed to remember that i had two yellow velcro rollers sitting in my driver seat. and when i got out of the car, they stuck to me. i quickly turned around the entire radius of the restaurant and saw that they all had seen what happened. they had seen me in all my glory with not one, but two yellow rollers stuck to my ass!!! julie and crew had no idea what was going on. they hadnt gotten a good view of the back side yet. so remember how i was telling you that it was such an "on" night, and everything was falling into place, and i was feeling good. yeah...that is pretty much where that line of thinking stopped. this now means that the cops, the people at the other restaurant, the outside dining restaurant patrons, and anyone else in eye shot of the girl in the overly pink rhinestone dress and hot pink cake has seen me, the dress, the cake, and the rollers.
later the waiter returned my rollers to me in a styrofoam to-go cup. very discreet....there really wasnt any need to do so though...everyone saw. everyone knew i was the girl with the rollers. is it bad that my first thought was...."oh this will be a great journal story". so there you go katie hall (p.s. can i tell you how much i loved that you signed your name as such. not just katie. not just katie bentley. katie hall.)
the end.
p.s. does anyone know....is chris brown legal yet? get your cougar on!
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
i need a hot girl.
alright. i got my acl tickets... so now i will start posting again. (thanks chris) ok, so people ask me all the time "whats the craziest thing thats happened on a flight?.... i bet you have some crazy airplane stories" ....and while i wish this was true.... since 9/11.... people pretty much have cut out the crazy shenanigans.... however... there is just no concealing "weird", "intoxicated", "annoying", and my personal favorite..... "white trash". amanda believes that all the white trash people got together, had a convention, and decided that the dolphin would become their universal mascot... to be badly tattooed on various (and might i add, obvious) body parts, to be sold as dollar store trinkets, and to be collected as if they were becoming extinct. (curiously enough, tridelt must have been at this same convention...they made it their national symbol.) (rachel is going to kill me for this one. love you.) anyways.... and while i might have agreed with her for a long time.... i have found a new tattooed symbol to take its place.
so i'm taking drink orders and i come across this girl. normal looking girl. not overly pretty. but not totally unfortunate looking either. just normal... and i deemed her as normal.... but that was until i saw.... in the prettiest cursive letters tattooed on her normal looking arm..... "hot girl" ...and it was at this point that i lost it. i literally started laughing out loud. i just kept thinking to myself.... who told her it was ok for her to do that? which of her friends was like "yeah, thats a great idea, you should totally do that?" ....her mean friends...thats who. i mean what happens if she is in a debilitating accident that leaves her face so marred that it is hardly recognizable? God forbid....but seriously...she would have this jacked up face and "hot girl" still tattooed on her arm....now that would be some karma for ya.... that is some pure self confidence to walk in somewhere and tell the tattoo artist to write out "hot girl" on her body... in a place where it is prominently displayed. has anyone ever walked up to her and said "no you're not". that would be mean.. but i know people....ahem..person... that would do it. the only time that i think it is ok to get this particular tattoo....is if you are 80. how hilarious would that be....you would be the coolest granny ever! and definitely the hit of the old folks home. i’d do it if i was 80. i’d make Rachel go with me so we could get matching ones.
and can I get a hooty-hoo for football season finally getting started. high school, college, nfl…. hooty-hoo!
so i'm taking drink orders and i come across this girl. normal looking girl. not overly pretty. but not totally unfortunate looking either. just normal... and i deemed her as normal.... but that was until i saw.... in the prettiest cursive letters tattooed on her normal looking arm..... "hot girl" ...and it was at this point that i lost it. i literally started laughing out loud. i just kept thinking to myself.... who told her it was ok for her to do that? which of her friends was like "yeah, thats a great idea, you should totally do that?" ....her mean friends...thats who. i mean what happens if she is in a debilitating accident that leaves her face so marred that it is hardly recognizable? God forbid....but seriously...she would have this jacked up face and "hot girl" still tattooed on her arm....now that would be some karma for ya.... that is some pure self confidence to walk in somewhere and tell the tattoo artist to write out "hot girl" on her body... in a place where it is prominently displayed. has anyone ever walked up to her and said "no you're not". that would be mean.. but i know people....ahem..person... that would do it. the only time that i think it is ok to get this particular tattoo....is if you are 80. how hilarious would that be....you would be the coolest granny ever! and definitely the hit of the old folks home. i’d do it if i was 80. i’d make Rachel go with me so we could get matching ones.
and can I get a hooty-hoo for football season finally getting started. high school, college, nfl…. hooty-hoo!
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